I was on Facebook today and I saw an ad that said something like, “J.D ROVE MUSIC. Be the first to hear the new album” and out of some weird form of curiosity that I cannot explain, I clicked on it.  I was then sent to his Facebook fan page and I then immediately yawned and did something else.  I obviously was never going to ever care about this dude but as a creative, I thought that maybe he could be worth supporting.  All I really did was make this struggling musician pay Facebook 40-60 cents for absolutely no reason because I didn’t even check out his stuff at all and I don’t even remember his stupid name.  And that’s when I realized assholes should just stop trying to become better people.

In our lazy, shitbag ways, we try and reach out and elevate ourselves into a station of compassion but all we really do is frig things up marginally.  For example, I get the Obama campaign newsletter because I like him and there was promotion to get a free bumper sticker and I jumped all over it.  Once you sign up for the sticker, it immediately sends you to an offer where you get three stickers if you donate to his cause which is the point of all of it.  This is where my feigning to be a good, loyal supporter actually hurts more than helps.  I get this email that benefits no one, and then I get a free sticker, and then I opt out of donating so my support of Obama in the end actually ends up costing the dude money.  I know stickers are like 4 cents and the real prize is my vote but still.

Another example.  Every few weeks I get a letter from the Red Cross asking me to donate.  I have AB negative which is universal so they always try to get all my blood.  They also call me. A lot.  Like once every two weeks, for years.  And every single time, I make the appointment and every single time, I forget to go or I get drunk the night before or I cry in the parking lot and get slushies instead.  I think out of the 50+ appointments I’ve made, I have kept three of them.  Somehow, this has to be costing them money.  On mail, because they send me confirmations.  On staff, because they call me to confirm.  And on blood, because I pick the most convenient time so that spot fills up and then people can’t go because the only spot that works has been taken.  I don’t do this on purpose.  I swear I have the best intentions.  But sometimes, you just have to wrap yourself in a blanket and then eat a bunch of sandwiches because you can’t deal with needles today.